On Quarantine School

First, notice that I did not say “on home school”.

Quarantine school is not home school. It is not school at home. It is an entirely different experience. We are all under stress. Our fight-flight-freeze systems are bouncing all over the place. It can be difficult to get materials. There was no ability to plan ahead, to map out a year, to explore different resources… There are no field trips. No homeschool meet-ups. It is just you, at home, living through this new experience, this hard experience, with your children.

Give yourself some grace. Whether that’s in comparison to your typical standards for yourself, to the schoolwork that is popping up in your email, or to some other standard you see online… Grace. So, so much grace. With that in mind, quarantine school — thankfully — is going fairly well for us. This is what works for us; I’d love to hear what works for your family.

This is a marathon. Social distancing, stay-at-home orders, school closures… Whatever you’re operating under, it’s not going to change anytime soon. We can’t burn ourselves out in the first two weeks. If making Pinterest-awesome activities every day brings you hope and inspiration, go for it! If it leaves you exhausted by Friday, don’t. Consider what’s going to work for your family over the next eight weeks, or the rest of the school year. How can you stay emotionally regulated across that time? How can you make sure you’re getting enough of that in your schedule? And same for your children — what do they need to stay regulated? How can you encourage or support those needs, whether’s aligning cars, hand-flapping, listening to so much Pitbull, or digging a hole in the yard?

Find the right balance between flexible and structure. My kids love routine. I love routine. My routines are what keep me strong and stable, especially when depression and anxiety are trying hard to flare. Do you have routines that you can use to glue your day together? Lunch, snack, or dinner routines? Going for a walk in the afternoon routine? We balance those routines with flexibility. Sometimes it’s too hot to go for a walk. Sometimes we are all exhausted from stress and need a mid-afternoon nap. This balance is going to be very different for each family. Some will need a lot more structure. When we first became parents, we had a schedule that was planned every 15-20 minutes. That’s what we needed right then. Now, it’s different.

Determine what’s most important. There’s a lot of things to weigh here. For some students or families, school — as a whole, all of it, the end — is not important right now. They are just trying to keep their heads above water. That’s okay. I promise. In other cases, school is important — but only part. For example, my son gets multiple hours of activities and lessons posted to his online account every week. We browsed it, felt that it was going to be stressful for him to complete and for us to accommodate / adapt, and decided not to do it. I realize not every family has this opportunity. Some schools are grading and marking attendance for distance learning. We’ve had the chance to say, right now, this isn’t going to work for him. We are doing other things that I feel are much more important (and accessible). It might be that you do some classes, but not others. It might be that you ask for a teacher to work with you on when things are due. With our family, we have prioritized reading & listening to stories, communicating with others, number sense activities, and movement. The movement, especially, has been important for mental health, as well as skill maintenance. Endorphins, baby!

It doesn’t have to be all day. It doesn’t have to be all at once. Home school, quarantine school, school at home… It doesn’t need to be 7:30 to 2, or whatever your typical school day schedule is. The 1:1 and small group environment within home allow for focused instruction in shorter bursts. If you are doing structured activities, you may only need to do 30-60 minutes total, especially for elementary school students. This can be done at once or split across the day, depending on the age and needs of your child. Our middle school daughter does better with shorter sessions split across the day. Our son prefers to just knock it all out in the early afternoon. I would only expect a toddler or preschooler to sit and attend for 5-10 minutes at a time, with up to 15 minutes for a kindergarten student.

Take advantage of the opportunities that exist at home — and have fun. This is such a stressful time. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to do with your kids and you have time for it, DO it. Bake a cake. Have a car wash in the backyard. Go check out that isolated nature trail. Take a tour of an aquarium. Watch Mo Willems’ draw Elephant and Piggie. Follow one of your children’s passions until you’re way into the weeds, whether it’s about the aye aye or Pitbull. (Are you sensing a theme with the Pitbull around here?) If you’re working from home all day, back to back meetings, then maybe plan for 5 minutes after dinner to just connect with each of your kids. Find fun, whether it’s for one minute or hours. We need fun. We need it so, so badly. There’s so much learning that doesn’t happen in a book, on a worksheet, or even in one of the assigned projects. If doing these things puts school on the back burner, it’s okay. We don’t get to a ton of things I planned each week, because something pops up here or there. A Lego castle must be built. A beautiful day calls for a longer walk. Our kids are going to remember this time in their lives forever. And they aren’t going to remember if they made it to the next level of reading, or if they finally mastered multiplication. They are going to remember if they felt safe. They are going to remember if they felt connected. Do the things that bring that to you.

Remember – our kids are competent learners. The world tells us that this is not true. We are made to believe that every minute without structured intervention is a lost minute. We have doctors and therapists that recommend over 40 hours of instruction for 2 year olds. This fear is strong. But it’s going to be okay. Our kids do learn. They may learn different things. They may learn in different ways. They may learn at their own pace, in their own timing. But they will learn. They will learn from your baking, from your getting dressed routines, from your leisurely explorations of grass and butterflies and bumblebees on a sunny day. They can learn from your modeling on their communication device, from the choices you offer, from the problems you present for them to solve. They will learn from chances to play independently and from cleaning up afterwards. This time away from school? It’s going to be okay.

Later this week, I’ll share exactly what quarantine school looks like for my daughter with complex communication needs. It can be overwhelming for parents to figure out how to approach homeschool, quarantine school, or even just homework with our complex students. There just aren’t enough examples out there. My hope is that our schedule sparks some inspiration as we head into the coming weeks.

Note: We are doing the best we can to flip things to virtual learning that often just do not flip very well. An active, movement-based circle with changing activities to meet the changing attention spans of a 3 year old doesn’t translate well to Zoom. We can’t arrange our instructional assistants and their schedules to provide the just-right amount of prompting and proximity. This goes back to grace. We will have to collaborate a lot over the coming weeks as we try our best to find some sort of equity and accessibility in this new virtual world of learning. We know this is not ideal. We know this is not perfect. We want to be in school too.