Why We Quit ABA, Part 2

For more stories, including autistic voices that must be heard, check here.

You can read part one of our story here.

When we quit ABA, it wasn’t just my daughter that quit ABA. I am a special education teacher in my fifteenth year of supporting autistic individuals. When you serve autistic students, there is a certain amount of pressure to pursue a BCBA. It’s not always formal pressure, though some districts are increasingly requiring it. It can come informally, through meetings where BCBAs discount your professional opinion or through the knowledge that parents in your communities are seeking out those initials. 

Because of that pressure, I started (and stopped) the coursework towards my BCBA twice. The first time, I made it through one class. I am not even sure if I took the final exam, or if I just took the W. The second time, I made it through three. I wanted to know the terms and the practices and the terminology that are being quoted as the best thing for my daughter and my students. I wanted to read the research for myself. 

I still quit. Two different programs. Permanently.

There are tools that are used within ABA that many really good teachers use — and probably used long before Skinner ever came along. For example, breaking things down into smaller pieces can be really helpful in determining where a learning breakdown is happening. Or “shaping”, where we celebrate kids’ good attempts at something long before they are perfect.

But I found that it was impossible to separate these tools from the culture. It was impossible to separate task analysis from a heavy reliance on physical prompting. It was impossible to separate shaping from an emphasis on verbal communication. It was impossible to ignore the research that included forced feeding programs, elimination of vocal stims, or provision of limited communication systems to students. It was heart-wrenching to be in classes with professors and people who likely thought the JRC was a good thing. It was impossible to ever choose presence with students over quantitative data. It was impossible to ignore the compliance-oriented research and strategies.

And it is pervasive. This harmful, harmful idea that autistic students cannot learn outside of this one way is pervasive.There is plenty of behavior modification talk in special education programs. There are still plenty of special education textbooks that write about discrete trial as the way to teach literacyThis pervasiveness is why I write — not just about quitting, but everything I write. To break down these harmful ways of thinking and teaching. To do better.

Three semesters of coursework on ABA specifically with autistic students, and how many times did I read about autism from the words of autistic people? Zero.

Three semesters and how much did we learn about AAC? One week, and limited to PECS.

Three semesters and how much did we talk about accommodating sensory needs? Zero.

These things are important to me. These things are what make me the teacher I am today. These are the things that I want my child’s teachers to know — what her experience of the world is like, how to support her communication, how to meet her sensory needs. These things are what make my classroom successful and my students happy to be there. 

This is why I write so much about the culture of our classrooms, because that’s what comes first. We need to know who we are as teachers, who we want to be.

I want to be a teacher who explores concepts with my students. I want to be a teacher that expands their schema and understanding of the world. I want them to learn about mud puddles and the way friction slows a ball going down a ramp. I want to immerse them in literature and letters and writing. I want my students to build deep understandings of number sense. I want their vocabulary to be built through rich sensory experiences, not time at the table, not pictures. I want them to fall in love with learning. 

These things are not easily measured. I won’t be able to create a list of 1,000 pictures that my students can name when asked (and I’m okay with that). These things are not taught by reading sight words or repeating math facts until we reach a set level of fluency. But these are the things I want to spend my time and money studying. I want to study how I can be a better communication partner to my students. I want to study what a literacy block can look like for my emergent literacy students, what accommodations and strategies will help them when they enter elementary school. I want to experiment with what sinks, what floats, and why we think that happens. I want to make messes. I want my time to be so fully immersed in being with my students, not in sitting behind a desk and graphing. 

I want to be a teacher who gives my students an education

It’s not easy to quit ABA. I mean, it’s super easy to quit in that my classes were against everything I stand for and frequently made me shake my fist at the sky. But it’s not easy to take the leap against something the whole world pushes. There is a fear that one day, I will no longer be allowed to teach my students. There is a fear that families will think our classroom is not good enough. 

I have thought long and hard about how I would respond to this fear. I believe in my students. I believe they are smart and capable and funny and talented. I believe that they have the same right to a full, well-rounded education as any other person that walks through the doors of school. Because, I promise you, if you give us the chance, you will not regret it. 

Behavior as a Stress Reaction

image of a child completely tucked into an orange body sock, no head or arm or leg visible.
student response to looking at their daily schedule

Summer is coming to an end, which means that all of my preschool babies are getting tired. It’s a long school year when you’re 3 or 4 years old. They are so absolutely ready to swim and splash and have their days in the sun. Add transitions and life events and medical issues, and there’s been some visible signs of stress showing up in our day-to-day routines. Work avoidance. Difficulty sharing. Words that won’t come out right. And a million other little ways that they say: “I am done. D. O. N. E. Done.”

I myself have been under a larger amount of stress than is typical this year. I’ve been sick. I’ve had surgery. I’ve had a larger caseload than typical. Graduate school. Financial stress due to those medical bills and graduate school. One child leaving elementary school, one child in her last year of middle school.

My family sees the impacts.

Conversations of more than 3-4 exchanges — not happening. It’s not just that I cannot participate, but I don’t even want to be around them. It’s too much at once. I have reverted to having the vast majority of my longer conversations with my husband via text message, even when we are in the same room. Sensory input that I could typically ignore, like someone patting their legs or singing under their breath sounds like it’s on volume 200. I’ve eaten the same food for dinner for 4-5 nights in a row. My screen time? Way up!

There’s a couple of take-aways… It would be really easy to see me walking away from a conversation or asking people to stop talking as being mean or rude. At best, someone might think I’m lacking some skill or another. Maybe they would see my screen time use and think that I’m a disengaged parent. Basically: there’s a lot of judgements that people could make, and none of them would be right.

Because — none of the above. It’s a stress response. My tank is full. My tank is over-filling. All the neurons and skills that I had for coping with life’s bumps (such as too much sensory input) in more “acceptable” ways are gone. And so I revert to this. Younger children or people under more stress may revert to other things: hitting, screaming, scratching, falling on the floor, and so on.

The other piece: this happens at home. It doesn’t happen during my school day. It doesn’t happen when I’m in a super important meeting with a parent. It happens at home. That doesn’t mean that I’m “doing it on purpose” or that I could just pull it together. And how many times have we thought or said something like that? But the space we have for coping skills is always in flux, sometimes more, sometimes less. And sometimes we choose to use up more of our skills in one place, knowing our safe place will be there for us when our tank is empty.

I get that this is easy to forget. It’s not exactly something our culture prioritizes. But doesn’t it make all the difference?

I think of a student who may disembark the bus screaming. If we focus on “quiet mouth” (ugh!), what do we miss? What if they’re simply hungry and have no way to tell us? What about the student who falls on the floor every time someone comes near them? Do we just enter their space anyways? What if their sensory system is so on fire that the possibility of any sort of imminent touch is sending signals of pain through their body? We are so much better able to support these students if we look to minimize their stressors and support their over-flowing systems.

It comes down to this — can we just remember that our kids are doing the best that they can? Because I think that would change everything else we do, from the tones that we use to the plans that we make.

My own safe space is home. I see in my family the kind of classroom that I want to have. I see in my husband the kind of teacher that I want to be.

Flexible.

Kind.

Accommodating.

And always, always recognizing that I am doing my best.

Can’t we give our kids that same benefit of the doubt?